Hipster Movement Gains Popularity; Loses Effect

By Art Ickle

MINNEAPOLIS-

The unique anti-culture movement, basing itself on separating itself from mainstream society, has, to this point in time, prided itself in being... well, different. Some go so far as to do the exact opposite of what pop culture dictates as cool, such as donning, in most extreme cases, fanny packs, furry hats, and ugly sweaters- all at the same time*.

Recently, many of the styles and beliefs of the members of this self-initiated society have attracted attention. On May 16, the annual Hipster International 3.2187 K Run** brought in 7,500 applicants. This is possibly a new record, considering last year's turn out was less than 100.

"We aren't sure what we're going to do," says hardcore hipster Fred Fahlstedt. "We must be losing our touch."

The movement is concerned with the future of... itself. As it gains ground, it loses it at the same rate.

"If we become popular, we're going to have to start a mainstream movement to counteract the new mainstream hipster movement. That way we can duck out of the coming pop culture," said Fahlstedt.

Many fellow hipsters believe the same as Fahlstedt, but are simultaneously attempting to keep their motives secret from the crowd of newcomers. One thing's for sure: the skinny-jean-wearing, indie-music listening, original crowd will keep moving on. But not too fast, like the mainstream society; just nice and slow.

*This is not to say that any of those items are bad. People won't mob you and inflict you injury until you take it off. It's not that bad. And I've never seen anyone wear this all together.

**I assume they are impartial to the metric system- this is equivalent to two miles.

This article is actually completely fake. Just so you know. I also have nothing against hipsters.